If there's one thing I know for sure it's that I love poetry and rock 'n roll.

My Poems
The Moleskine Journal
The Truth About Everything - A Collection of Narratives
The Paint Palette Collection
The Truth About Everything

8: Paradise Dream

Going to Hawaii changed my life. Something about the way life moves there; living mood to moment and taking each step with the waves and following the sun. Everyone’s so tan and happy and full of alohas. They’re full of aloha spirit and have so much soul. Positive vibrations emulate from their golden brown bodies. Life there is paradise, and I can’t wait to be a part of it. But for now, I brought a piece of aloha back with me through my memories and experiences. But most importantly through the people I’ve met along the way. Aloha means hello, goodbye, and love. There’s something beautiful about that word. And it’s that even though I was saying goodbye to the island, I was actually saying hello as well. Saying hello like saying I’ll be back again. Like there’s always a hello when a goodbye is said. Like maybe goodbye isn’t a real thing. I surfed and fell in love with the Pacific Ocean and the aloha kiss. The aloha kiss is a greeting where you kiss the person’s cheek when saying hello. It doesn’t matter if it’s an old friend or a stranger you just met. I learned through the days I spent there that life is so goddamn beautiful. And that you don’t need a lot of money to get by—just the ocean and great people and the blue sky. I sat down while my new friends played volleyball in the sunset. A man with long brown hair tied in a ponytail was greeted with what’s up, and he replied, “Blue skies. Blue skies, that’s what’s up.” I smiled so hard I thought my face would break. People there thought I was a local. I felt like I belonged there. I belonged to that island. It felt more like home to me than back in Jersey. I fit in perfectly with my tan skin and flowers in my hair.

Now I’m back and I’m not even really sure what to say. After spending a week in Paradise reality hits hard like a crashing wave. But right now I’d give anything just for a crashing wave on Waikiki Beach. I hated how the water would smack my face. I hated how I would taste the salt water and lose control of the board—sometimes even fall off. But it was still part of the Paradise Dream. It was bliss and I felt so alive. A different feeling than falling in love. That’s fake happiness that you know will wear off. This kind of happiness—this kind of high—you knew it was the real thing. The whole world seemed like maybe it wasn’t so bad of a place. Because the color of the Pacific Ocean matched your eyes, so maybe if we meet again I can go surfing in them. Being with you made me realize how badly I just wanted to fall in love. Not with you, of course. You and I were guided by lust and bonfire spirits of Hawaii. But I thought that maybe you’d at least have the decency to wish me a safe flight home over text. Being with you, kissing you in the back of your silver car at night in a parking lot on Waikiki Beach made me want something less temporary. Something that one day will blossom into the same bliss as the crashing wave of Paradise Dream. I’m now left alone feeling lonely and used and feeling stupid for feeling lonely and used. I’m trying so hard to hang onto my Hawaii, my Paradise Dream. I keep talking to the people I met on the island. I keep kissing the plumeria black pearl necklace I bought. I keep looking at old photos. I keep hoping the Hawaiian boy who took me to Diamond Head will keep giving me attention despite the fact that I’m back on the mainland. I am trying my best but as each day passes by I know that I’ll be old news. Just another girl on vacation who you didn’t want to sleep with, who wanted a real kiss instead of an aloha kiss, who texted you gratitude in hopes of an answer that maybe what happened was something you’ll remember forever. But I am living in a dream. Reality wakes me up like a pounding on the door. In a week’s time, the Paradise Dream will really be a distant dream.

30 Aug — 2 notes

1:09 A.M.

The Nature of the Beast
Tabby cat hiding in a Styrofoam box
with pink lei on the bottom of the shelf
at a flee market
1.00 each
Pineapple I held to kiss
Dragon eyes
Mangos greenish-red
2 sunflowers freshly cut
and submerged in water
in a black plastic cylinder
Dragon fruit
like flowers
It’s been nice,
Hot sweltering
Homeless people shipped here
to live in Paradise
Sleep under vast trees
that I don’t know the names of
3 free meals a day
Hippie syndrome
No house no shoes no shirt
No problem
Surf’s up

(Source: twohundredthirtyfaces)

30 Aug — 5 notes

My Paradise
12:45 A.M.

When I can’t sleep
I come out to the balcony to sit
To take in the black beauty of the night
The astrology alignment of the stars
I hardly eat or sleep
I am so consumed by Hawaii’s beauty
How can I waste such precious hours
on useless unconsciousness?
Take in the city and lights
True eureka
Never knew this palm tree city
would make me savor life
as badly as I do now
The way it felt under my skin
The sun and air and pulling of the tides
The moon
Oh moon
Where are you?
We treaded in the Pacific Ocean
Constantly moving
We talked about the spectrum of life

In the distance
mountains that look like a surreal backdrop
And palm trees so tall
And pineapple so sweet
in your drink
The Pacific Ocean clashes against
my Hawaiian shaka heart
instead of the jetties

The rocky beige sand
makes my feet feel like they’re coated
with chalk
Our spot on the beach
is right in front of a surf stand
with paddle boards and paddle boats
and tan sexy workers who sit idle
Their surfer bodies cut
and made of steel and salt water
I had to chase the sun across the beach
Go through a game of frisbee
Climb onto coral black rocks

(Source: twohundredthirtyfaces)

29 Aug — 5 notes